Freedomain Radio

I'm pretty ashamed to admit this, but when I first saw that FDR had been writen about in the Guardian, I felt a ton of anxiety/fear and I didn't even read the article. I remember thinking something like "oh shit". The fear I felt seemed to be based on two things. One was that this community and the ideas it produces, would somehow be invaded and changed, and that it wouldn't be something special that only I knew about. And the secondly, I feared that my friends and family would find out about FDR and in some way confront me because I hadn't been honest with them about my beliefs and community I've been a part of. I guess the first reason was more powerful for me. I've always valued originality and being contrarian, and perhaps this was one of the things that drew me to libertarianism and FDR, but I guess this is also a sign of pretty low self esteem. It seems like I need to percieve myself as having special qualities or being involved in something special, to the extent that I was upset that these ideas (ideas that I do truly believe I love and respect) were being exposed to wide world. Finally, tonight I managed to read the article, and I felt somewhat sad as I was reading, but also relieved. And writing this post has been soothing as well. I just wanted to get this off my chest for some reason.

(I've begun wondering if one the things that has been holding Libertarianism back are those of us in the movement, like me, who enjoy the notion of knowing something that hardly anyone else knows and on some level we try to prevent others from discovering it. Just a thought...)

Thanks for sharing your experience of the Guardian piece.

It was late at night when I first saw the Guardian article and after skimming it, I deliberately waited until the next day to read it thoroughly (I did want to sleep, after all!). The next morning, I printed it out and took it with me to read later in the day when it felt right. Finally, when I had some time, was in the mood, and had nothing else to do, I read it, allowing myself to underline freely and make whatever comments I pleased in the margins. This let me take ownership of my own thoughts and feelings about the article and to have something to refer to when discussing or reviewing it in the future.

People at work used to give me funny looks when they saw me underlining or writing in the margins of articles I printed out. One guy still says, "Hey, put that pencil down!" in good humor (I think). Now, they just call me "Karl Marks." For me, it is just a sign that I take my own ideas and reactions to things seriously; it's my own method of active reading.

I've just come home for the weekend and found the artical draped over a chair and I felt a little shiver. Of cuase I've read it before, but only on line. Some how it seemed much more real to see the printed version, plus this means there's a very good chance my family will have read it. They don't know I'm a member here, but I feel frightened to tell them now.

so yes it can have a suprising effect on you