Freedomain Radio

hi, 

a belief that i am wasting talent turned into an obsession that has interfered all aspects of life.

i want to let go of this fualty belief and reconnect with my self worth while not feeling worthless.

so far been through ocd therapy, learnt about perfectionist faulty thinking styles, and i can see how i adopted faulty beliefs in childhood that worth is based on acheivement.  I have found a couple of stefans videos gd at understanding how we internalise such self abuse.  i want to move forward and am hoping someone can point me in the right direction

thanks for listening any help would be amazing.

sw

It really is terrible to hear about this for you, and welcome to the conversation. Do you remember a time when you did not feel "worthless" in your life?

hi,

I am early in my early twenties now,  the problem, i feel almost for certain has been around most of the time throughout adolescence, masked by depression and anxiety.  the obsessional thinking, almost for as long as can remember.

i wasn't too bothered by until i got severely depressed by it... breakdown was inevitable really so finally got proper help.  this was over year ago now,  got pretty gd therapy which helped me discover faulty beliefs and how not to ruminate on obsessions.  i am still having problems with it so really determined to beat the obsession now.

i can say to myself self worth is something innate, something that is not acquired but theres a part of me thats still not happy with that.

persumably due to how long i have had it.  the obsession is specifically a worthless feeling and the thought that im wasting my talent (a particular hobby that was perhaps done in childhood, not really out of pleasure, i think the 'for your own gd' abuse).  so i realise i need to escape this internalisation i have by understanding its obsurdity.  i feel im starting to...

anyway i hope i have given a gd picture of the problem and I thank you greatly for your reply.

sw

soundwave86:

so far been through ocd therapy, learnt about perfectionist faulty thinking styles, and i can see how i adopted faulty beliefs in childhood that worth is based on acheivement. 

Would you care to have a discussion about that belief? It seems to me (and I could be wrong, for sure) that you had nothing to do with those beliefs, in the sense that you did not have the choice. What do you think?

Dave

i guess it is something i learnt from one parents perfectionistic ways - being overly critical and not paying much attention or seeking out my own preferences.

i feel that they weren't necesserally forcfull  like you must do this perfectly, but due to their bad upbringings didn't have the ability to seek out my wants.  they seemed to love the idea that i had a talent and i must do that particular thing.  actually yes i do recall things that i wanted to do that were immediately rejected as not good enough.

so now im left with the deap seated belief that i do have a talent for this thing, even though im not actually that good, and the belief that im wasting it.  and its so powerful that its an obsession.  an obsession that interferes with my self worth

i do recall a parent saying i am wasting it on a numerous of occasions.  i feel i had emotional problems as a child that were not addressed.  and they just felt that pushing me to do this 'talent' would help me. which clearly just made my problems with self esteem worse...

soundwave86:

i can say to myself self worth is something innate, something that is not acquired but theres a part of me thats still not happy with that.

Sorry? You believe that self-worth is not acquired? Could you say more about that, please?

by that i guess i mean that ones worth is something that should be understood but isn't.

listened to teenage depression podcast and i have never been so moved.  i feel my problems are similar but a unsure how to move forward

Hey come by the chatroom, come visit and contibute to a Sunday call-in show, or just say some words here about how you feel your problems are similar to those you heard in the podcast.

Dave

Oh, I understand what you mean now. I think you're right, it's something that was meant to be passed on to us by those that cared for us and raised us. Unfortunately, it wasn't. In my case it wasn't because my parents were irrational mystics who had no conception of self-esteem that didn't include a sky-ghost as it's primary source. Oh and they actively undermined the generation of any true understanding of self-esteem because they knew where that path lead.

There are other reasons for obfuscating self-worth/self-esteem. Do you have any thoughts on why it was not taught to you? You said the "teenage depression" podcasts moved you, what about them tugged at your psyche?

the video section, teen depression number 2...

most of it moved me listening about how the parents are so lost they do not allow themselves to listen to the childs emotional needs... its so true and what is certainly to blame for my lack of realising my self worth. 

i think that due to pushy parents and this lack of emotional support, is what created my obsessions and faulty perfectionist thinking at quite a young age which inevitably set me up for self defeating doom, depression and finally where i am now. 

the hope i have now is i hope i can overcome this by nuturing new beliefs, and become much stronger person than i would have otherwise.

soundwave86:

the video section, teen depression number 2...

most of it moved me listening about how the parents are so lost they do not allow themselves to listen to the childs emotional needs... its so true and what is certainly to blame for my lack of realising my self worth. 

i think that due to pushy parents and this lack of emotional support, is what created my obsessions and faulty perfectionist thinking at quite a young age which inevitably set me up for self defeating doom, depression and finally where i am now. 

the hope i have now is i hope i can overcome this by nuturing new beliefs, and become much stronger person than i would have otherwise.

That is awesome work, soundwave, kudos to you my friend.

What are the chances of finding a professional in your area to talk to about this? Can you tell us more about that?

Dave

thanks for listening, looking for ways i can let go of these expectations i so cruely internalised, im sure speaking to a professional more about this will help

Oh yes, absolutely it can only help.

Dave

It seems to me that through the guidance of others you are moving towards a solution for your problems. I think it would also be worth your while to do what it is that you wanted to do that you were told "wasn't good enough". Some people may have a talent for fixing cars, but that doesn't mean it makes them happy. In terms of feeling like they haven't wasted their talents I'm sure it helps there, but it doesn't mean it helps someone with their self worth. I'm not sure how old you are and what it is that you are currently doing, but I'd recommend exploring things that interest you and don't worry about fulfilling expectations of others. It's your life and living it to make someone else happy may benefit them, but it doesn't benefit you. Find something that makes you feel like you are doing something worth while and I'd almost bet that it will help you gain self worth again.

thanks, letting go of expectations proves. v hard to do, especially as a good few years of falling deeper into depression has habituated them.

thats what i realised too, the more i try to let go and then do things that compell my interest, rather than bossing myself around and approval seeking all the time, a product of habituated depression i feel...

the more the obsessions clear and deflate.  approval seeking had become such a habit and letting go of it is proving quite an amazing experience as it is all linked i feel to my problem.

many thanks again for your kind reply